Faithful Brother:
My childhood was structured very much like yours and had a very similar level of commitment. At the same time, I have to admit it wasn't quite as severe as yours. The rules were a little different back in the 1950s-60s. But, just as it is now, Armageddon was just around the corner in 1953 and 1958 - at least that's what Bros. Knorr and Franz told us at the big New York International Conventions. And we believed them. Yes, we did...
http://insidethewatchtower.com/history/field-service-then-and-now/
The first thing you need to do is get some serious medical treatment for your depression and dependence on alcohol.
Forget about the JWs and the Watchtower. They had nothing for you then and they have even less for you now. Stay as far away from them as you can get and concentrate only on your health. Limit your exposure to any of their poison.
I never expected to see the age of 30 when I left the Organization in the mid-1960s. Now I'm just a few months short of 70 and know without a doubt that there will be no "Armageddon" in my lifetime - or during my grandchildren's lifetimes. Mt. Hood may blow its top, or a great Pacific Rim earthquake may come and take my life - but I know that it won't be "Armageddon."
I live every day with the singular joy of knowing that I am a critic - not a member - of the Watchtower cult and that none of my children or grandchildren are connected in any way to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Because I left the Witnesses in the mid-1960s all of my descendants are not and will not be Jehovah's Witnesses. They all live happy, financially secure, and healthy lives. I can only imagine the damage that could have been done to them if I had given in to my JW wife's demands that I repent and return to the "Truth."
You were fortunate that you never allowed yourself to be baptized. Those of us who were raised by "true believer" JW parents like I was - and my childhood friend, author Dick Kelly (Growing up in Mama's Club and Ghosts of Mama's Club) - know what it was like having to go to school, work a job, go to meetings three nights a week, and put in 10-20 "real" hours of door-to-door service each month.
But we survived once we got out. We have healthy, sane, and interesting lives - doing what we want to do, no longer bound to a boring existence as slaves of the "The Slave." TM
JV